WORD
We do whatever we can, at near any cost, to avoid suffering while we simultaneously make heroes of anyone else who overcomes it. It’s a paradox I’ve struggled with for a long time.
Name the various “personality” assessments — Myers-Briggs, Enneagram, Strength Finders — my results unanimously point towards preparedness and planning, all in the hope of eliminating the likelihood of something going wrong. In my world, any unexpected event may bring suffering.
I also love great storytelling. Can you see where this is going?
Suffering is a basic requirement for all great stories. Harry Potter suffers. Frodo Baggins suffers. Woody from Toy Story suffers. Since ancient Greece we’ve been captivated by characters that deal with tremendous suffering, root for them to overcome it and, every time they do, we let out a cheer while they’re a better person for it.
Why do we avoid such a gift for ourselves? Cause it sucks, that’s why. Suffering is hard. It requires the worst of the world around us to exist and present itself regularly.
But suffering is essential. We aren’t human without it. It develops a part of our lives that joy and happiness never can. It makes us complete by requiring us to rely on something other than ourselves. It forces us to expand our world. Our feeble attempts to avoid it deny this essential part of life.
To live a full life in this paradox we must first acknowledge suffering through lament. Not in a “the world is a terrible place” way but on a day-to-day basis. Everyday we will all experience some level of suffering, as will every single person we come in contact with. We are not alone. We must believe that first.
In that core belief we’ve got our hearts, the inside, covered. Now the outside. How do we acknowledge suffering and lament as we live out our lives so we can grow, empathize, and learn?
Here are some ideas as you continue through this month of The Common Year and begin 2017:
- Don’t just sing happy songs. In the car, on a run or even during church, don’t be afraid to queue up something that makes you lament your suffering and the suffering of others. Same goes for movies, books, etc.
- If you’re suffering, name it. Say it out loud, write it in a journal, put it to music or say a prayer. Let it exist.
- Don’t try and fix things right away. If a friend is having anxiety, don’t buy a gift and try to cheer them up quickly. Affirm their suffering and listen carefully. If you get bad news, don’t bury it by bingeing your favorite show, snack or substance. Let it surround you and find someone who will affirm your suffering and will listen carefully.
- Look to those who suffered before you for support. It might be in the Bible, a good biography, or a family member. Every good story includes a mentor, someone with sage wisdom for our hero. Find your mentor.
Without suffering we are incomplete. Without it we cannot be heroes.
MEAL
Sometimes suffering can last longer than we hoped. While I can’t imagine any meal, especially with people you love, as suffering, I’d like to propose a meal that can take a while.
I’ve made these braised short ribs in the slow cooker many times. Make the recipe your own and I recommend them with a side of cheesy polenta or mashed potatoes!
(http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/anne-burrell/braised-short-ribs-recipe0.html)
MUSIC
“Casimir Pulaski Day” by Sufjan Stevens is a remarkable lament: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uFEOBJBiWg
Be sure to read the words as you listen: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/sufjanstevens/casimirpulaskiday.html
If you’d like to hear more, Sufjan recently released an entire album, “Carrie and Lowell”, in which he laments the death of his mother and step-father: https://play.spotify.com/album/0U8DeqqKDgIhIiWOdqiQXE
PRAYER
May I learn.
May I learn to lament.
May I learn to lament with others.
May I learn to lament with others who are suffering.
May I learn to lament with others.
May I learn to lament.
May I learn.
Amen
(repeat as necessary)
TIME
Think back and try and pinpoint a time in your life when you decided to avoid suffering. Maybe you were bullied in grade school, lost a loved one to a agonizing disease, or battled a chronic illness yourself. Name that source to a trusted friend or family member and lament it.